(Knowing vs. Allowing) What I Need

I know what I need, most of the time. That is ruled by my experience-honed intuition. There are even some highly sensible rules in the Book of Paula about what I need. Wether I allow myself to do what I need depends on an entirely arbitrary set of rules. For example there is a rule about not being allowed to go to bed before nine. There is also a rule about always giving preference to productive activities.

Some rules about what to do look very similar to rules about what I need. There is the rule that I need to have a regular start to the day, with a set time for the alarm clock. But that is not the same as the doing-rule about having to get up at that time every day even when I know that sleeping another two or three hours is what I need. Need-rules are soft and nourishing. Doing-rules are hard and punishing.

Of course there is some need for discernment. Sometimes the childish/soft-animal part of me will mask my needs and I see a form that is not really there. Like, I might need to breathe fresh air, but that need is masked by my desire not to go out in the cold. Yes, staying warm is a need, but there are several solutions to that, not just staying inside. So I must learn to separate the need/the essence from the form that my mind suggests.

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